My Breastfeeding Mommy Weakness

I posted this on another blog but I thought it would be a good topic to post about. My son, Wyatt, is 4 months old and is a Nummie lover supreme! Breast feeding is easy now, but it wasn't always that way.

My first weak moment for me is a time when I felt like my body was not my own. Wyatt was only a couple weeks old then, and the term "leech" came to my mind. I'm not sure if that was a little bit of PPD or what, but I felt so guilty for feeling that way. If you've ever felt that way, its OK to just unlatch and take a breather.

I remember about a month after he was born I had a mommy breakdown. My nipples were cracked and bleeding so bad I was flinching every time he latched. This was before we had his tongue tie clipped. Trust me, if you have a baby that is tongue tied, find a doctor to clip it! The night of my mommy meltdown I was exhausted. I sleep on the couch and had his bassinet right beside me. He was waking every two hours to nurse still. That night I cried as I was feeding my son. I just couldn't stand the pain any longer. Using my own milk didn't help sooth my nipples. Nor did any cream. Our local Wal-Mart didn't carry nipple shields, so I sent my husband to the store at 4 am to buy bottles. That night I felt like a complete breast feeding failure. I let him feed our son while I got a good nights rest.

The next day I went back to breastfeeding our son. I had my husband feed him one bottle a day for a few days till my nipples healed. Then went back to breastfeeding full time. His tongue tie was also clipped by then, so we were having a better time with latching. Soon it became an afterthought to just pop the nipple in his mouth and lay back in our recliner while he had lunch. My husband is such a trooper. In those early days he took care of everything while I just nursed in the recliner. He brings me water and food and takes care of the house and our DD while I relax and breast feed. So I just want to say having family support you in those first weeks post-partum (and beyond) is a wonderful gift!

Before the baby, I said I'd only breast feed to 6 months. When I got pregnant and did a lot of research. I then changed my mind and said I'd go to a year. Now, I don't see us stopping at 6 months, a year, or maybe not even 2 years. I'll let him decide that.

So I hope whoever is reading this, perhaps you just have your brand new little one in your arms or just found out your pregnant, I just want to say I've been in your shoes, and while its not easy, its completely worth it!

Wyatt. 4 months old

P.S. This has all been typed while breast feeding my son! You get really talented at multi-tasking! 

Happy Breastfeeding Week

Sierra giving Wyatt breast milk via bottle

So Wyatt is 2 1/2 months old now and that means we've been nursing for that long. My second baby is so much easier than my first and I attribute that to breastfeeding and co-sleeping. My first I did things very traditional. Formula, CIO, sleeping in her crib from day 1, etc... I didn't have any mom input from others besides grandmothers and great grandmothers so I really had no other viewpoint.

Me & Wyatt nursing

Now I can definitely see a difference. Wyatt still fights sleep like Sierra did, but he doesn't scream all night. He's chose his own schedule to sleep which is fine. The point is that he actually does sleep! With Sierra she would cry for hours on end for years before we'd have a peaceful nights sleep.
I refuse to sleep in the actual bed with Wyatt. I'm afraid I'll forget he's there and roll over on him or something. But his bassinet is next to me which was so great when I was first out of the hospital. I had a c-section so standing always was a pain.
I think I'm really doing things better now. Not that FF is bad or anything. I think its great if your not able to BF. I'd certainly rather see a baby well fed ANY way than to die of starvation. But breastfeeding is so much more than just nourishment. Its our special time. I like the bond that it has given us. With my daughter, she's more of a daddy's girl and I have always been jealous of that.

I like my num nums!

Nursing

I don't go many places right now, but when I do usually I'll need to nurse in public (NIP). I live in a very small town so breastfeeding in general isn't very popular. I've gotten a mixed bag of looks and comments. Some just smile and nod. Some glance at me and look away. A few have pointed their finger at me and whispered to their companions. And one even asked to "See the baby". As if he didn't know I was nursing. That guy was just a perv. The point is, breastfeeding is natural. It shouldn't be this foreign concept that people want to hide away or point at like its part of a circus side show. So in honor of breast feeding week, I'm proud to say I'm a breast feeding mother, and I hope that my experience will help another mom to choose to breast feed her LO too.