Wallowing in the Dirt of Self Pity

Tears are words that need to be written.”
― Paulo Coelho

“there are two types of people in the world: those who prefer to be sad among others, and those who prefer to be sad alone.”
― Nicole Krauss, The History of Love  

“You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.”
― Jonathan Safran Foer 

“When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it--always.”
― Mahatma Gandhi 

As a witch I understand the way energy flows. Right now, my energy isn't so good. I know that I should be positive, keep busy, cleanse and ground my energy. I'm doing none of that. Right now, I'm hiding my head in my favorite books and pretending the world doesn't exist; that my troubles aren't there.

I can't even tell you why I feel this way, other than the usual crap I deal with. But today it just seems like too much. At night I'm constantly thinking of our troubles. Of how to move on in our life to a positive outcome. I don't see it happening. And so I dream of drastic changes too painful to bear.

So those are my tears, written on this page. Tomorrow I'll forget they exist and go on with my life. But today, I get to wallow in them for today. Like the ostrich who buries its head in the sand, eventually it lifts its head and moves on. This too shall pass. 

Patience, Pearls, and Joy. Quotes for the Depressed.

"Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them -- every day begin the task anew."

Saint Francis de Sales

"A pearl is a beautiful thing that is produced by an injured life. It is the tear [that results] from the injury of the oyster. The treasure of our being in this world is also produced by an injured life. If we had not been wounded, if we had not been injured, then we will not produce the pearl."

Stephan Hoeller

"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy."

Thich Nhat Hanh

I haven't felt like writing much lately. And at first it was because I had the flu. It's still not all gone but for the most part I feel fine, if not a little tired. So I've come to realize that I'm just in a funk again. It happens once in awhile with my writing. I just feel like I can't be creative at the moment. I still try to open my writing assignment's every day, but within 5 minutes I realize I really am not in the right mind to write and close it. This is one of the reasons I haven't really taken to finishing my novel seriously. I say I want it published, but I know I am probably years away from doing that, if ever. Bottom line is that my writing is still a hobby, and that's OK. But I want it to be so much more. 

The above quotes really speak to me today. I feel stuck in my life. No matter what we've done it's backfired on us. We've yet to find jobs, a place to live, etc. I'm beyond impatient at this point. The pearl quote really speaks to me too because I've had a hard life. One too many kicks gets a girl down, but it's always made me stronger in the end. And if all else fails, just paste a smile on your face, and soon the outward joy you show to the world will become a reality.