The Web We Weave

Grandmother Spider. Photographed on June 6th 2012 by Robin LC

Spider totems bring us a message of mystery, power, and growth. The spider's web is a symbol for how we weave our own life. Each choice takes us in a direction that is far-reaching with consequences beyond our perception at the time decisions are made.

In December of last year I made the decision to visit the dentist to talk about my options to fix my teeth. The dentist took a look and decided there wasn't much to save. Its the answer I thought I'd hear but I didn't know if I was quite ready for dentures. I went ahead and made the appointment to have my teeth pulled. The appointment was 6 months away, so that was plenty of time to come to terms with my impending change.

Tonight is the last night I will have my natural teeth. At 9am I have my appointment to pull all my teeth. In a way, I morn their loss. Even though they are broken, yellowed and just plain ugly, they are still mine and its hard to let go for someone like me who hates change. There is also the unknown. The pain I don't worry much about. But will I like having dentures? I have a few people in my life who have them. An old high school friend tells me its the best thing she ever did. Yet my own mother got them and doesn't wear them because they don't fit her right. My step-father-in-law also has dentures and I never even knew it until he told me one day. So these various people in my life gives me a diverse example of what can happen. Only time will tell if I've made the right decision for me.

This spider was waiting for me today on our lamp in the yard. She reminds me that each decision has a consequence. Each web I weave effects myself - hopefully in a positive way.

For many years now I knew one day I'd move back to Ohio. But yet I also dreamed there would be a period of death. I now think that the dream was a premonition. Not of physical death but a major change. In this dream I changed not only my career and home, but my physical appearance as well. In the dream my teeth were beautiful and I lost weight. I was successful and happy.

Perhaps this decision is one more step toward that reality.

I took a picture of me smiling tonight. Its the first I've taken that I didn't immediately erase. I never smile on purpose because of my teeth. I'll be extremely happy when I don't have to worry about someone recoiling in horror when I smile. I won't post it today though. I want that after picture before I share.

For now I'll just thank Grandmother spider for bringing this message of change, and say Blessed Be.

One Small Step For a Better Smile

Today I had an appointment with a dental surgeon. All of my life I have had bad teeth. I decided since I have the opportunity that I am going to get dentures. There is no saving my teeth. My problems started when I was a child. My teeth came in crooked and my mother never had them straightened. Matter of fact I can remember maybe two times I saw a dentist throughout my whole childhood.

All of my life I have tried not to smile around people. I kind of give this closed mouth grin that just makes me look weird in social situations. But I don't want to give a real smile because I don't want them staring at my mouth, or worse commenting on my rotten teeth. I've had people curl their lips in disgust of my teeth. Yeah I know their nasty, not much I could do!

Well now that's changed and I can't wait till I can give a real smile and not be ashamed of my teeth.

My surgery is in June unless someone cancels and it gets bumped up. Seems like a long time away but I know it will be here before I know it. One thing I have to remember to do is take a picture of me with my natural teeth just as a record. I want to look back and see what was and compare it to what will be.

Welcome to the New Year

Hail fellow and well met to the New Year and to my readers. It's 2012 and that means new beginnings. I'm really needing a new beginning so I hope January will be our month for moving forward in our life. Last year was about big changes and a lot of them were hard on us. Now that were over the shock, were trying to settle down into our new life. With a lot of positive thinking and maybe a bit of luck, hopefully soon we'll have a place of our own.

I had applied for housing many moons ago, but never received a reply other than we were on the list. Well last week we did get a reply that we are on the top of the list. The problem we've had in getting housing is that our ex-landlord isn't too happy with us. So he's not giving us a good reference. So I hope we can overcome that.

I've also decided that I need to do something about my teeth. Growing up poor meant I only saw the dentist a handful of times in my life. I'm sure it was no more than maybe 4 times until I became an adult. And then I didn't have insurance or money for the dentist so the only time I went was when I had a toothache. Needless to say my teeth are bad. I needed braces as a child and never got them. I don't smile because I hate my teeth. Many are broken and just plain nasty. I went to the dentist the other day and he confirmed what I already knew. Most are not worth saving. And even if we could save them, the insurance I have right now wouldn't pay for it. But it will pay for dentures so that is what I'm going to do. I feel a bit scared. I've always had a phobia of dentists. It resulted from a very bad experience with the first dentist I ever saw. He was just plain mean.

OK enough of that topic. I have made a few changes to the look of my blog. I've also changed my button though you shouldn't see much of a difference. I've changed it from a JPG to a PNG and made the background transparent so you don't have that ugly white background behind it. I've also got a new banner and background on my blog. I think it looks nice. Tell me how it works for you? 

Well I spent my New Year like usual. Sitting here playing on the Internet and half paying attention to the TV. I am so boring! lol

I also joined Pagan Cultures 2012 book challenge.

I got books for Christmas so I've been reading them. Right now I'm reading "Once Touched, Never Forgotten" by Natasha Tate. It's not one of my favorites, but it is a romance and if you've learned anything about me over these past few months is that I'm all about love. *wink*

But I can't wait till I can dive into the book I won from Magaly's giveaway. I won Retribution by Sherrilyn Kenyon. And it's a testament to my strength of will that I haven't devoured it already. But I didn't want to start another book while I'm reading the first.

So what did you do for New Years? Did you kiss your honey? Dh quickly gave me a smooch and then went to bed. He's not a night owl by any means. lol But I stayed up till 3 am this morning. My son certainly takes after me because he hates to sleep!