Tonight while doing a full moon ritual and charging some of my tools, I also asked help in reaping what we've sown. In my spiritual practice I've always included a Lord but his identity remained clouded to me. I've been happy to just keep him a general fatherly energy but otherwise clouded in darkness - until tonight. Tonight he revealed his identity to me. He came forth as Cernunnos, Lord of the Hunt.
Why I kept the Lord a general entity?
Basically because my own father was a dick, and screwed my head up. Going back to little SalemWitchChild at 3 years old, my father decided his own life happiness was more important than his two children. For whatever reason (and there isn't a good enough one ever IMO to abandon your wife and kids) he left without notice. He told my mother he was going to the store and just never returned. Shortly thereafter my mother was penniless and homeless. Now, I don't believe for a second my mother was innocent in all this. I'm pretty sure she was having an affair which is why he left. It still wasn't right that he dodged every attempt to collect child support for 15 more years and kept his distance for fear of having to pay my mother. My only connection to my father during childhood was at my grandparents house. Where every weekend I visited them like clockwork and received a phone call from him. Conversation was painful at best. It always went something like this.
Father: Robin it's your dad.
Me: Hello Father (said as sarcastically as possible)
Father: How are you, is school OK?
Me: Fine (said angrily)
Father: What do you want for your birthday? (Or Christmas, etc...)
Me: Nothing (said in a sullen voice)
Father would then spend the next 10 minutes trying to conjole me into telling him what to buy. As if that could somehow make me love him. Yeah right... Sometimes the conversation stalled, sometimes I angrily hung up on him. Other times I went off on a tirade about how I don't want his money, gifts or anything else and then hung up on him. See how this anger toward males slowly built?
Other male relationships would mess my head up further. As a matter of fact the only man I have ever trusted was my husband, and that trust didn't come easily. So I hope when I say that I kept the masculine deity general, you can see why.
A few years ago, my father died alone in his semi-truck. You truly reap what you sow in life. Not even his second wife (Illegally married btw. He never divorced my mother) kept him company in death.
Back to Today and Cernunnos, he presented himself as an older man. He had his traditional horns and goat legs of course. I'm willing to try to let him into my heart. I don't believe it will be as easy as it was when I bonded with Isis, but Cernunnos said he'd "teach me to hunt". I took that as meaning to teach me how to be successful in this world. I'm not sure what other lessons he has in store for me, but I have a feeling there will be a lot of challenges.
If your patron God is Cernunnos, what personal stories can you share about him? How has he changed your life?
