I Will Survive

Meet Mumbah. I think his life perfectly showcases what it takes to have a will to survive. He's one of the oldest gorillas to live a whopping 47 years! Sadly he passed away at the Columbus zoo on my sons birthday, May 18th 2012. RIP to this gentleman.

Well everyone I'm one day post-op and I'm doing fine. Even had the energy to take my daughter to the library today and do a few errands. I'm not in pain that much. My lower jaw and my neck muscles hurt. I'm swollen and a bit bruised but I'm not near as in much pain as they told me I'd be in.

I had taken a print out of Kellymom.com breastfeeding pain medicine list so I could let them know what kind of pain med I could take. I'm not about to give up breastfeeding for the surgery. One mouthy little nurse told me she couldn't take "Information you print out on the net" and that only a medical doctors reference would work. I was livid. I told her it wasn't just info off the net. It was well researched info off the net! She refused to even look at it. All the while mouthing off about how I should really have talked with my OB or pediatrician. Neither my OB or pediatrician is breastfeeding friendly. So I wasn't about to take their advice which would be "Don't breastfeed past a year".

Anyway, she ended up giving me a narcotic pain med that she said should be OK with my son over 1 yr old and 30+lbs. He's a big baby! I just shrugged and said fine I'll just take Tylenol unless I really can't stand the pain. She quickly laughed and said I'd need more than Tylenol.

Well little miss priss. Its one day after the surgery and I have YET to need that stupid pain pill. And I'm not toughing anything out. It just doesn't hurt. I've had worse scrapes than the pain I feel right now. Not to say it might not get worse. But I have 3 different prescription pain pills here. And I'm sure one of them will take care of it before that narcotic will be needed. *Sticks out tongue here to that stupid nurse*.

There was also some excitement later today that resulted in me calling the Sheriffs office. My daughter was outside riding her bike and when she came around the corner she noticed a tan car with two men looking at my car. One had remained in the drivers seat, the other had got out and was looking INSIDE my car! They told her (And I've already lectured about her talking with the men instead of coming to get me immediately) that my car had been involved in an accident. She told them we had not and they quickly left. Well I went to talk with the neighbor who is having a yard sale today figuring he might have scene something. He told me they had asked him about a Lumina that is for sale. I drive a Lumina btw but my car is not for sale. (I also don't owe on the car so it wasn't repo men or anything).

It was all very odd. I couldn't see why they should be snooping around and lying. At least no good reason. So I've made sure the doors are locked on all our vehicles and called the Sheriff to report suspicious activity. They won't take a police report unless they come back. But I feel good that they'll watch the area a bit more closely for a few days. And one Sheriff works right down the road so that's good too.

For now, I'm going to relax and allow my Tylenol and cold compress to do their thing. Night all!

The Web We Weave

Grandmother Spider. Photographed on June 6th 2012 by Robin LC

Spider totems bring us a message of mystery, power, and growth. The spider's web is a symbol for how we weave our own life. Each choice takes us in a direction that is far-reaching with consequences beyond our perception at the time decisions are made.

In December of last year I made the decision to visit the dentist to talk about my options to fix my teeth. The dentist took a look and decided there wasn't much to save. Its the answer I thought I'd hear but I didn't know if I was quite ready for dentures. I went ahead and made the appointment to have my teeth pulled. The appointment was 6 months away, so that was plenty of time to come to terms with my impending change.

Tonight is the last night I will have my natural teeth. At 9am I have my appointment to pull all my teeth. In a way, I morn their loss. Even though they are broken, yellowed and just plain ugly, they are still mine and its hard to let go for someone like me who hates change. There is also the unknown. The pain I don't worry much about. But will I like having dentures? I have a few people in my life who have them. An old high school friend tells me its the best thing she ever did. Yet my own mother got them and doesn't wear them because they don't fit her right. My step-father-in-law also has dentures and I never even knew it until he told me one day. So these various people in my life gives me a diverse example of what can happen. Only time will tell if I've made the right decision for me.

This spider was waiting for me today on our lamp in the yard. She reminds me that each decision has a consequence. Each web I weave effects myself - hopefully in a positive way.

For many years now I knew one day I'd move back to Ohio. But yet I also dreamed there would be a period of death. I now think that the dream was a premonition. Not of physical death but a major change. In this dream I changed not only my career and home, but my physical appearance as well. In the dream my teeth were beautiful and I lost weight. I was successful and happy.

Perhaps this decision is one more step toward that reality.

I took a picture of me smiling tonight. Its the first I've taken that I didn't immediately erase. I never smile on purpose because of my teeth. I'll be extremely happy when I don't have to worry about someone recoiling in horror when I smile. I won't post it today though. I want that after picture before I share.

For now I'll just thank Grandmother spider for bringing this message of change, and say Blessed Be.

Writing: Creation

Once in awhile I get the writing bug but don't want to work on my previous ideas. So I just open a document and write what comes to me. I honestly don't care if its a good or bad story, but I use these little exercises to improve my writing style. I tend to write in the 3rd person, so for today I decided to write in the 1st person.


Tell me what you think. Btw, I couldn't think of a good title so I just picked Creation. If you have a better suggestion I'd love to hear it. In which direction do you think this story might go?

Humans dream up stories of people who live forever. They dream of eternal youth and mythological creatures who mate with humans to give them eternal life. All just fairy tales of course. I am not a fairy tale though. I am as old as the Earth – I am the Earth, in a way. I created her. Don't ask me how. On the first day of my existence I just was. Nothing but blackness and myself existed. I explored myself and my power for many days. Then I decided I needed to create life, and Earth was born.

My options were only limited by my imagination. In those early years I made some very odd choices. Animals that started out small, and then grew so huge they towered over me. I was an ant compared to them. Even the ant I created was huge in comparison to modern standards.

My favorite was the Jurassic period. Such regal creatures. A T-Rex tried to eat me one time. Silly creature - he didn't recognize his Lord and Master. He pissed me off to tell you the truth. So I killed them all off. When you have your version of perfection, life gets really boring. Man dreams of a Utopia society, but if I allowed them to have it they'd hate life.

So I began to create the imperfect world that would be perfect for me. Early man was born, and over the centuries I made little tweaks to my design. When they say that man is made in Gods image, they aren't completely wrong. Man or woman, technically I am both and neither. I am what I wish to be. Most of the time I am feminine. My legs are long, lean and strong. I change my hair color daily depending on my mood. Most of the time I love to be a brunette. I've gone by many names throughout the centuries, but my favorite name is Gaia.

In April of 972 A.D. I attended the marriage of Otto II to Theophano, daughter of Romanus II. During that year I just couldn't get enough of Roman civilization. Theophano had the gall to call my brunette hair a mousy brown. In case all you blondes wonder why so many of you get teased for being a dumb blonde, you have her to thank for that. Now I know what you're thinking, that sounds really petty of me to curse blondes with stupidity. Well, it is. I'm not perfect either. I get angry, I take retribution, but I also have great compassion.

Take for instance, Noah. The people had become cocky and cruel. They had no respect for themselves, the Earth, or myself - except for Noah. I could have killed him and all the animals. I could have started over just like I did with the dinosaurs. But I took pity on man. See? Am I not compassionate to give mankind a second chance? I certainly think so.

Still, sometimes its good that a civilization falls. Take the Mayans for instance. They were so stupid it was really best they not be apart of the gene pool. I arrived as an old Mayan man, a seer by their standards. I played the part and in truth gave them a few true predictions. Which may have been a mistake because soon I became famous. Then came a time when the Mayan King ordered me to attend a party. I was amused to be ordered, but I bit back my irritation at the mans audacity and attended. It was then that the King asked when the world would end. I was flippant and said December 21, 2012. The date was so far away and I was already plotting how I would destroy the Mayan people and culture. How was I suppose to know that date would live on in peoples minds?

People ask me if God can die. I tell them no. At least as far as I know. They ask, but who created God? That's an answer not even I know. What I do know is that its 2012, and I no longer think my date was a flippant remark. At the time I didn't think about it, I just spoke. But everything else I said that night was a true prediction. Maybe the date was true to? I feel a change, and not one I've instigated. Natural disasters are happening without me making it so. I feel my powers are fading. I've been in denial for some time, but I can no longer deny that something is very wrong. But I won't give up, not without a fight. Whatever comes on December 21^st, I'll be ready.

Tradition Limits Creativity & Spiritual Growth

Experiment with new ideas and rituals 

to open yourself to new possibilities.

One of the reasons I am Eclectic Wiccan is because I don't like to limit myself. I feel too boxed in when someone says I must do something a certain way. That just challenges me to prove them wrong.

When I began learning how to meditate I thought I had to "quiet my mind". That's what the meditation Guru's say isn't it? But what exactly does quiet your mind mean? If its pure nothingness, I consider that impossible. My mind is constantly full of something. Daily worries, goals I have yet to achieve, or new crafty projects I'd like to attempt. There's always something to think about.

My success with meditation didn't come till I stopped trying to quiet my mind and instead focused my mind and imagination on something else. I learned to create new worlds in my mind to explore. Soon it wasn't just me imagining these new worlds. They took on a life of their own.

My point is that our pre-conceived ideas of what should be limits what could be if we are not open to all possibilities. This is why I am Eclectic, because other paths tell you what you should do and don't give the freedom to experiment. Tradition is well and good, but if its limiting your ability then its not really a tradition that works for you.   

Do you find certain traditions limiting? Or do you prefer the ritual of tradition to keep you on the path? Can you give an example of a tradition you tried to follow but ultimately had better success with your own method?

Corset Giveaway

I've posted before that I'd like to try waist training with a custom made corset. That post was sparked by one late night boredom surfing on Youtube where I found the channel of a lovely young woman who makes her own corsets. I've learned a lot about custom corsets and waist training. She has a lot of informational videos I highly recommend to anyone interested in waist training.

In honor of one of her friends who sadly passed away, she is going to make and giveaway one of her creations. To find out how to enter to win, please watch her video. Don't forget to leave a comment about her departed friend.

An Extension of Me

My daughter, just after a haircut. We kept her hair short for practical reasons.

Atreya over on 2 Witches 1 Blog has posted about our hair being an extension of our energy. I must say this is an intriguing idea that I've never considered before.

Throughout most of my life I've kept my hair medium to very long. My longest was right below my butt. However as I got older my hair began to give me headaches. So I made the decision to cut it to just above my shoulders.

The cut gave me a feeling of freedom. Not just from the weight of the hair but a freedom of changing my life. At every major change in my life there's also been a sudden need to cut my hair. So subconsciously, I think that energy the hair stores may be why I had a need to "start over". Sort of a subconscious reboot of energy.

Lately I've thought about letting my hair grow out, and if we continue with this theory that hair holds the energy of our life, that means I have a need to build energy. Which given my current living situation, is certainly true.

Do you feel that our hair holds apart of our energy? Do you see haircuts as a cosmic reboot of energy? Or is a haircut just a haircut and for aesthetic purposes only?

PBP: Nature Escape

Prompt: Nature Escapes

Revisiting an old prompt for this week...

"Everyone needs to get away from the daily life sometimes, and more often than not, Pagans need it more. An escape into Nature, even if just for a couple hours, or a whole day.

What kind of nature escapes do you have where you are? Do you have a local trail that you can simply take a walk on to escape? Or perhaps you have some neat hiking nearby... Or maybe you are one of the lucky ones that can simply escape into your own backyard, literally. Share pictures if you have them."

 

I unfortunately don't have a lot of natural areas around me easily accessible. Our area has a paved circle I walk around if I just want to leave the house for a minute. Its easy enough to put Wyatt in his stroller and just enjoy the day. My favorite time is in the late evening just before sundown. Its so peaceful, especially as we enter warmer months. 

Of course I live close by Serpent Mound, and as a Pagan its a wonderful place to go and relax and do a ritual if you want. But I have yet to go there. Life always gets in the way. But I'm sure one day we'll get the time to go. 

If I absolutely must get away, I seek the company of friends. Inanna's Spiritual Center is in Chillicothe, Ohio and it's my go to place if I'm seeking a little Pagan company and to touch base with a few friends.