Sunday, November 27, 2011


Death is no more than passing from one room into another.
Helen Keller

This week I can't help but to think of my own mortality. My mother came close to leaving this world on Thanksgiving, and it's really brought home that I'm not a kid or young adult anymore. We can leave this world at any time. Our actions or inactions will decide our fate. 

Death to me is just a transition to a new place. I neither aim for it, nor wish to avoid it at all costs. It simply is. That said, I don't believe on putting the peddle to the metal and speeding toward it. Yet, isn't that what my mother has done by living an unhealthy lifestyle for 60 years? She's ate what she wants, however much she wants her entire life. And that has led to two heart attacks on her 60th birthday. She is healing btw, but we still do not know how much damage to her heart was done.

I certainly don't want to spend my 60th birthday in the hospital fighting for my life. Yet, what am I willing to do to avoid it? Well I need to go back on the diet I started last year. And somehow work in an exercise routine. It would help tremendously if I had my own space! That way I could control what kind of foods are in the household and how the food is prepared. Here there is a table with way too much temptation and loading foods with fat is just how it's "suppose" to be. It's hearty food and delicious. It's just way too tempting to pile a lot of food on our plates and gorge oneself.

And then we come to our activity, or lack thereof. I am self conscious of exercising with people present. I've tried before and I'm just too shy. I always feel like people are judging me. That's why I liked when I joined Curves last year because IF there were people there, it was all women with "real" bodies. Not stick thin or beefed up with muscle's like some other gyms. Most of the time though I could time my visits where the area was mine alone. I went in, sweat my bottom off, and left with none there to witness. Maybe I can check into joining a YMCA or something. I thought about it before but I didn't have transportation. 

I know one thing, if this week hasn't taught me anything else, it's that I don't want to be my mother.



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Blessed Be,