Lance(DH) and I usually balance each other. He's normally the over the top happy (sometimes impulsive) guy who does everything to excess. He's also normally the leader. I'm more reserved, always thinking ahead, never impulsive and always must have a plan woman. I'm not a natural born leader, so I will give my input on important topics, but generally am willing to allow DH to have the final say. Put us together and we balanced each other out.
Now I find we are no longer in balance. My leader refuses to lead. He's no longer happy, nor impulsive or decisive. I know our move to Ohio was the right thing. I've always had a dream that I'd end up in Ohio and we'd be happier and more financially stable. Honestly I felt we could be "rich" in Ohio but not necessarily "in the millions rich." I felt we'd have a comfortable life and be happy.
Grasping that dream has been more elusive. I find that I must step into the leadership role. Yet it's not one that comes easy to me. Honestly, I'm afraid I will lead, and then make a bigger mess than we already have. I suppose that's the fear of any leader isn't it.
My biggest downfall is that I haven't followed my intuition. I've allowed my husband to stop me from doing that. I feel we are meant to live in or around Chillicothe. I know my DH is healthier when we join with other Pagans. We found a lovely Pagan group there. Yet both of us are naturally solitary creatures so it can be a challenge for us to integrate into a group.
I think to find our balance again, I need to step up. I've always said I don't let fear hold me back. Yet that's what I have done. Time to conquer my fears and step forward.
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