Monday, August 22, 2011

Am I wrong in wanting to stay home?

To understand my story you need a little background information.
With my first child I was working as a Printer for a pet products company. Both DH and I worked together. After having my daughter I spent 4 weeks home but was forced to return to work because of money. I breast fed DD until I went back to work because the job required I work with chemicals that enters the blood through skin contact and therefore also milk.
Fast forward 10 years later and I feel like my husband has a better relationship with our daughter than I do. We really missed that bonding time. Yes you can bond in other ways but that didn't happen because DH was always the one to do most of the "work". Leaving me to do other household chores.

So now that our son is here, I've breast fed him for 3 months and its been wonderful. He and I are really bonded and I love it. He prefers me. My husband can't hold him long because Wyatt always cries. And Dh has arthritis now which makes it painful for him to hold Wyatt for a long time. Wyatt isn't happy most of the time unless he's getting attention or being held.

Because we are on government assistance right now, we are required to do a job requirement to recieve our benefits. I stayed in KY with my mother (Under horrible conditions while pregnant) and DH was suppose to get a job before I came to Ohio. That didn't happen. I finally had enough of those bad conditions and came to Ohio when I was 32 weeks pregnant. We are still living with MIL.

Dh has done "some" job searching. But most of the time he sits around the house and plays on the computer or watches tv or sleeps. He hasn't been doing the job search because he's bipolar and they are afraid he will "snap". He's been bipolar for a very long time. Now, he did freak out one time and he has some anxiety over finding a new job because of the way he was fired from his last job. However he's on medication now and it seems to be a little better. IMO he's just fine to go to work.

Wouldn't it make more sense for him to go so I can stay home and care for our children? He can't take care of the baby. Yet I'm about to be forced to satisfy the job requirement because Dh won't do it. I just want to scream. If I go to work I'd have to get someone else to babysit. I do NOT like strangers looking after my child. DH could take care of our daughter. She is 9 and basically can take care of herself. But he wouldn't be able to take care of Wyatt. And Wyatt refuses a bottle 99% of the time anyway. The only times he really will take a bottle is if he is absolutely starving!

I'm just really frustrated. I feel like DH just needs to man up and go get a job. Yet he thinks its better I do it. I've tried talking to him this morning. He didn't say anything though.


  1. I would try to explain again.... if you feel it is best for you to stay home, then go with that. I am a sahm myself and it is by far the best option for us. I am sorry you are having trouble and I am sending you hugs. Explain how it would be best for your son if you stayed home, feeding wise, caring wise.....and so on. Good luck to you, mummie. Hugs!

  2. Well, I'd prefer to stay at home and play computer games as well... but in the "real world" grown-ups are supposed to go out and take a job and care for their family. Tell him that. ^^

  3. I feel like DH just needs to man up and go get a job.
    Maybe if you explain to him that it will be better for him to work so you can breastfeed, which will save money because you won't have to buy formula, will have less doctor visits due to the antibodies in breast milk, and you won't have to get a babysitter since he isn't able to take care of the baby.

  4. Man's ego is very tender. My hubby suffers from social anxiety. The best way I have helped him is to be 100% supportive of him and let him know "he can do it". Stroke his ego, let him know you believe in his ability to support his family, gently remind him how much you and the kids would benefit from his decision to work. I'm sure he's probably having a lot of self-esteem issues living back with his mother and not providing.
    I am also in the opinion that it would be best for you to stay home and feed and nurture baby at this point. Good luck!



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