Saturday, September 17, 2011

The Perfect Marriage

Note: The following may ruffle a few feathers. I hope that you can see my words are offered in an attempt to show another way.

Most people will tell you that there is no such thing as a perfect marriage. Their view of marriage is mostly harmonious with a few screaming fits in there somewhere.

I say, if you are screaming at one another then you don't have a perfect marriage. And yes, its possible!

Lance and I. 2008
At 16 years old I started dating Lance, my future husband. At 18 we moved out of my mothers house (HE was living with us). On my 19th birthday we were being married. Everyone around us told me I was too young, he was too old (10 yrs difference). That we should wait for me to "live" a little. etc. etc... I believe the "expiration date" on our marriage was somewhere around 5 years according to some people. Here we are 14 years later and going strong.

I say if you scream at your partner and call them names then you don't have respect for them. Therefore the marriage cannot be healthy. Lance and I came from homes where it was common to hear our parents fighting, calling each other names, basically doing everything but physical violence to hurt one another. Then of course there was the "make up" days. This is very hard for children to witness. Some people say its necessary for kids to see so they will know how to deal with conflict. But this is no way to deal with conflict. You deal with conflict by talking and compromise, not screaming and insisting on only one persons view is correct. The power struggle so many couples participate in isn't healthy. Couples should work together, not try to be the top dog in every fight.

Our rules in marriage are simple. Don't be rude. If you wouldn't say it to a stranger, don't say it to your partner. Have respect, tell each other "I love you often". Don't tell the other to go away. Always talk about what we are thinking. Talking does NOT involve raised voices and slamming doors or throwing items. Come up with a solution that is best for the entire family. Don't be a dick just because your having a bad day.

I hope everyone has The Perfect Marriage. But if you don't, perhaps its time to talk with your partner and implement a few ground rules.


  1. I enjoyed reading this, and I'm so happy for the both of you!

  2. I have found that telling the BF, "Honey, I've got a really bad day and am probably going to lose my patience some time during the day" helps both of us cope with that kind of trouble - I am aware of the fact that it is not him getting on my nerves, but me, and he knows to keep some distance between us until I am less psychotic once more. ^^ We're both from incredibly broken families, and it is tough not repeating the mistakes we were taught to be "normal" in our childhoods. But we're working on it.

  3. Lon- Thanks

    Diandra- Sounds like a perfect solution to me. DH is bipolar and sometimes you just need a little alone time.



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